Depend on God

Psalm 121:1

 

In 1992 I was diagnosed with cancer. I received radiation and had multiple surgeries and chemotherapy for months. This was a very dark time of my life. Allan, my husband, was a complete source of strength and affirmation for me.

The cancer seemed to go into remission. But in 1994 it metastasized to my right lung. More chemotherapy didn’t work. In November, a doctor told me to go home and plan my funeral. I got a new doctor!

Just as I was preparing for a bone marrow transplant, the most unfathomable thing happened. Allan was diagnosed with lung cancer.

I was stunned. And for the first time, I was angry. “Cancer in one parent is enough!” I said to the Lord. Plus, I loved Allan more than I loved myself. I was grief-stricken.

I was consumed with the idea that the Lord would call me home at any moment. But God chose to sustain my life and to take Allan home to be with him in October, 1995.

My life changed dramatically after that. I asked myself, “Who is Normajean? What kind of officer will I be? How do I raise three teenagers by myself?” My life was in fragments. God showed His purpose for me in Philippians 2:5, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

Just as I was feeling strong again emotionally, my cancer returned and penetrated my bone structure. My doctor told me I would be chemotherapy dependent for the rest of my life. I had to think really hard about that. But the Lord showed me I already was a dependent person. I was dependent on the Lord for His love and guidance. I was dependent on my children and family and friends for their love. So I figured I was just adding chemotherapy to the list.

I had to ask, “What does the Lord want me to do with the days He’s given me? How can I show Christ in how I live through these days?” Opportunities have come that have been exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or think.

People ask me if I pray for healing. I believe I am already healed. Not of cancer, but healed in my heart. Because after all I have been through, after all I have lost, after all I have suffered, I still believe in God, and I still trust Him for every day. I want Him to use my life to show He is faithful and trustworthy for the good days and the bad. And I want someday to hear Him say, “Well done!”

Normajean Honsberger, Good News!